What is self-compassion?

Self-Compassion

Self-compassion can be defined as the ability to offer ourselves the compassion, understanding, kindness, and support that we need when going through difficult times. While having relatives and a social support network that offer these to us is important, our internal voice that stays with us wherever we go until the end of our lives, and most importantly, the relationship we build with ourselves, are crucial. Therefore, presenting these values to ourselves opens the door to improving our relationship with ourselves, staying in touch with our emotions, and perhaps these experiences can enrich us. Self-compassion is being merciful to ourselves without judging, criticizing, or condemning ourselves; It means being compassionate towards ourselves, being aware of our feelings, accepting them, and allowing ourselves to experience these feelings by taking action.

Self-Compassion Components

According to Kristin Neff, one of the creators of the "self-compassion feeling" training, there are 3 components of self-compassion. These are: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-kindness; This means that we won't use harsh, rude words to a friend going through difficulty; instead, we will approach them with love and kindness as much as we can. In difficult times, when we ask "Why me?" we can feel isolated and think that others are "normal" and happy, but we can consider ourselves to be suffering the most. A healthy mindset about humanity helps us in showing self-compassion; it acknowledges that all experiences in life are universal for all of us and prevents us from viewing negatives as our unique condition. Instead of separating ourselves from others, it brings these experiences together in a common ground, allows us to see them as part of a whole, and helps us realize that we are not alone.

The third component is being aware of the emotions that arise from experiences. It is crucial to recognize our emotions by paying attention to the present moment and being able to approach ourselves with compassion in such moments. Mindfulness allows us to observe our feelings and thoughts as an external observer rather than getting immersed in them and identifying with them.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is not self-pity. By accepting the difficulties we experience and accepting the emotions they arouse in us, we approach ourselves with compassion, ensure the processing of emotions, and prevent them from overwhelming us. Like all experiences, emotions come and go, and to overcome them, we must first recognize them and touch upon them.

Allowing ourselves to experience our emotions, asking ourselves what we need in that moment, supporting ourselves in the way we would want a loved one to support us, allows us to rise stronger from where we fell and take action. Self-compassion does not mean ignoring mistakes. However, we can fall into the illusion that we can improve by criticizing, blaming, or judging ourselves, but this is not correct.

Knowing that we are supported and trusted in the face of failures motivates us, and asking ourselves what we can do better without blaming ourselves will give us the opportunity to do better. Self-compassion is not selfishness. Believing that we are all like everyone else, understanding that making mistakes is natural at times, ensures that we do not burden ourselves too much in such moments.

4 Advice to Develop Self-Compassion

By accepting that making mistakes is normal and human, knowing that we deserve love even if we are not perfect, developing the ability to forgive ourselves in the face of mistakes will be beneficial.

Instead of worrying about our mistakes or things beyond our control, we can make our inner voice more compassionate and loving by thanking what we do well or what we have. We can try to write down things we are grateful for in a daily journal.

Focusing only on understanding ourselves better with mindfulness techniques and experiences will lead us to touch our emotions instead of judging ourselves and accepting ourselves as we are.

Throughout the day, we can talk about our experiences and feelings in a daily journal after evaluating ourselves in difficult experiences and emotions. Thus, we have the opportunity to realize our emotions, understand them, and take action for the future.